3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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