Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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