i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
