Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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