I hope mine doesn't look like that
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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