So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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