god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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