My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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