My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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