I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
