Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
