i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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