think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
