Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
