Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
