do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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