I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
