Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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