I think my fart just growled at me.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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