My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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