Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
