i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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