My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
