i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize