im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
