got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
