I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
A bitchslap is in order.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
