I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
