You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize