I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize