I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
