Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
