You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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