for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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