Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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