it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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