If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
