Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
