White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
