You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize