Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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