Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
