She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so let's talk penis.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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