If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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