you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
