My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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