Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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