i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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