After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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