Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
