Im at strip club and am horny
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
