dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
