i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
