I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Your penis caused this!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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