You're so nebulous sometimes
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
