what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
