I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
