i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Randomize
