i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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