Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
no, he came in my armpit
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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