You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
