That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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