I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
