Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
...so i touched it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
