That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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