this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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