i can't believe i had my finger in that
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
