the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
