Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
