He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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