Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
