what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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