so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
