my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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