I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
