Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
