mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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