He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
