Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Less talking, more tequila
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize