Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
