I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
